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Hope?

by DRTYUNCL

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1.
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I'm a creepy ass Uncle, I'm serious, I really am I've got a nephew named Noah and my brother is his dad Obviously, but I think he's catching up to speed In the backseat asking daddy what's wrong with me Good luck Joe, I can't explain it myself Have fun explaining why Uncle Bill took all the pills on the shelf And now he's at South Health under suicide watch Cursin' at god and twitchin' with the ticks of the clock Why's he got a pot full of piss in a bathroom full of shit? Next to a blown subwoofer underneath a disco ball as it spins? Probably because he mistook that broken symbolism For that blunt object he decides to hit himself with He just wants to give the bat back to his favorite fans Let the pros swing the pen and retrace the plan He had back when he decided to make a difference But he differed himself into a different existence And that's him: Life's opening act That man that raps while the performers chat in the back He's barely intact, you can pick up his screws As they fall to floor on a front row unused Here he is: Life's opening act Start the night's alcohol tab and don't let him distract He might at as well be pluggin' in the chords for the real bands He'll leave just as broke and lonely as when the evening began Damn, just look at this douchebag Can't even walk across the stage, look at the feet drag! What a fag, there's no women dancin' in his audience There won't be any applause until the next band begins I hope he quits, better yet I hope he stays I could laugh at the scars on his wrists all day Wastin' his air pushin' airwaves the audience's way And they won't even turn around when he exists the stage He plays no instruments, finds significance In the rusty key he wiggles to unlock his interests And in his band there's no clarity or even parody Of what the stage means or what he thinks of the strings But that's him, life's opening act That man that raps while the performers chat in the back He's barely intact, you can pick up his screws As they fall to floor on a front row unused There he is: Life's opening act Start the night's alcohol tab and don't let him distract He might at as well be pluggin' in the chords for the real bands He'll leave just as broke and lonely as when the evening began Curse another corner with a Corona aroma Teardop tendencies surrounding the boarder Steppin' off of the tar from the ledge of the stage Tuckin' his hung head into his ribcage Curse another corner with a Corona aroma Teardop tendencies surrounding the boarder Steppin' off of the tar from the ledge of the stage Tuckin' his hung head into his ribcage
3.
Step out my barracks on the freshest of days Feel the sun kiss my face Welcome to Illinois Let my voice be your guide through these towns Let the gravel underneath you create your own sounds From the gravel on the ground in that town To the greatest city around Welcome to Illinois Suddenly I don't feel so alone It feels good to be home Good morning Illinois Yesterday was a mess full of stress And I'm startin' to get bored with this lack of progress I've got a cup full of yes and a smoke full of lies Leachin' off of your taxes, I'm a fuckin' parasite Goodbye to my passions and goodnight to sex The personality and future of David Koresh I invested my time and energy in heartfulls For crumbs on the floor....yesterday was awful And today I made music at a blistering pace And still couldn't outrun all this pain that I taste Or even dash salt on the bland it creates I try to move on but every step I take hesitates I've got the template set, but can't set it straight I've got the urge to move forward but I keep pushin' it away So here we are, another day, under the weather claims Disinfectin' a bar of soap, punchin' a stain Luggin' a bag labeled change and even though it strains The muscles in the bicep the zipper stays in place Today's a by-product of waste from yesterday All of the bowel movements continue to stay the same And just as I feel ashamed for having no one to blame For all of these half mast complaints in my brain I rub the bagged eyes of granite on my face Open the door and step into Chicago sun rays Step out my barracks on the freshest of days Feel the sun kiss my face Welcome to Illinois Let my voice be your guide through these towns Let the gravel underneath you create your own sounds From the gravel on the ground in that town To the greatest city around Welcome to Illinois Suddenly I don't feel so alone It feels good to be home Good morning Illinois Feelin' good as Justin, feel the bass and percussion Trickle its way through my veins creatin' substance I love this, days when I feel alive The type where I don't gotta hide just to survive As I arrive at 2:05 in the Wal-Mart parking lot To get my triple C's and Carlo Rossi restocked I feel a sense of shock, I mean I cannot Remember the last time I haven't felt confined to that block That surrounds me, each day it caves in But today I broke free, I think I can live Like a regular person, whatever that is I'm just happy as hell I can stretch my limbs for a bit It all started with just a little bit of sunlight All I had to do was allow my eyes to view life No plight today, no hideaways and no cause What pretty little moss on this rock we live on Step out my barracks on the freshest of days Feel the sun kiss my face Welcome to Illinois Let my voice be your guide through these towns Let the gravel underneath you create your own sounds From the gravel on the ground in that town To the greatest city around Welcome to Illinois Suddenly I don't feel so alone It feels good to be home Good morning Illinois
4.
One step forward, a fuckin' mile back I'd react if these feet knew how to interact But I keep livin' this dim-lit daydream Scenery from the past displayed on a blank screen Two steps forward and then I'm going backwards I'll capture the pleas from my past with last words I keep livin' this dim-lit daydream Scenery from the past displayed on a blank screen Lately, I've been thinkin' too much in a skull I used to trust Boxes labeled fuck, gift wrapped, I keep 'em locked up Well what'd you expect, man, I live in the past I create black holes with a large enough mass That I can travel right past its gravitational drag It slows down time, but never reverses the path Crashed into the future and was labeled a psychopath Escaped the asylum with a beer in my hand Now here I am, tryin to revise what I know If I'd only stayed home away from the black hole I'd be successful, oblivious to the knowledge I'm an immigrant Slave wage, vertebrae of an infant Yet my interest seems to lie in tryin' to disguise The fact I lie myself into a try Reliving the glory days, whatever they may be Fuck it I'll re-exist instead of existing One step forward, a fuckin' mile back I'd react if these feet knew how to interact But I keep livin' this dim-lit daydream Scenery from the past displayed on a blank screen Two steps forward and then I'm going backwards I'll capture the pleas from my past with last words I keep livin' this dim-lit daydream Scenery from the past displayed on a blank screen I've never been very good at this whole truth mess Fuck it, its life, trust nobody and fake progress Continue to forget to address the stress and the rest Of the problems that lie behind your bed rest Lamp posts and shades all remind me of familiar days In the past, things made sense and drifted away I'm a solemn display, a momument to shame Pay your condolences to all that never stayed the same Tilt back and let your brain hit memory lane Drive drunk itself into a ball of flames Wake up and remember a few parts Drink until unabashed and return to your car Take that ride, DWI your insides And convince yourself that feel as alive You did when you were a kid, but you know its fake I got a time machine, let's correct these mistakes
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Artists 03:37
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Everything is meaningless and we're all gonna die ...I hope I didn't ruin the surprise There's no plot twists, no witty quips can fix this Insignificant existence we happen to live in I'll wish upon a star that humans will make it that far And explore the universe to forget what we are There's glass in the tar and there's blood in wine There's sludge in the stream and there's love in the spine Why...did I...decide...to try...I could have given up Its spinning faster than it ever was If only I could feel, existence could be enough There's mountains to climb, tsunamis to ride Why do I spend time on these mutants I hide? I lie each time I get asked what I do I exist, nothing more, nothing less, like you There's no truth, there's only science and math And you break into an equation of fact You are an exact replication of the next skeleton When you're dead and deteriorated Tell your friends to fuckin' play this You'll die...I'll die...You'll die...we're all gonna die You'll lie...I'll lie...You'll lie...we know where meaning lies ...right?
8.
I'm so fucking lonely I now discuss it in a casual tone Even E.T. got a response when he phoned home Dial tones become music to my ear drums "Why don't you speak to me Uncle Tairy, how come?" Because you fucking suck and I don't have it in me anymore Just stay out my bars and department stores Stained glass doors are closed, too busy jerkin' off It ain't a synagogue, its relationship holocaust Fuck off, can't you see it in my face? Lonely as shit, but still wouldn't switch with your place I enjoy knowing I can only disappoint myself You depend on cold shoulders to shrug your mental health Off -- better yet onto A dish served luke warm, passive aggression haunts you And I may taunt you on the opposing sidelines With a beer and the lonliest of smiles I won't hide Catch me at your grocery line, stickin' notes to your thighs With an arrow pointing upwards sayin' "come inside" Try to get under my skin, I'm a fuckin' crocodile Eat you up and still continue to smile Been more than a while since I've had to watch my words Been even longer since I've since I turned a she into a her I'm a nerd and I'm not smart, don't even like Pop Tarts But I'll turn an Owen heart into turnbuckle pop art I'll rip a fart, gasmask your asthmatic dad Wait a minute, I'm lonely, shouldn't I be sad? No. So leave me the fuck alone And don't ask about the next time I'm comin' home I know I'm a lunatic, but you aren't new to the shit Just pretend like your emotions aren't fucking useless Logic washes the car you purchased with liberal arts And the music that plays in it tells you that you're smart Yea, sweetheart...you're fuckin' unique You stick out like a colon pushed into your left oblique And I'm just a lunatic, pushing forward without movin' shit Move your ego from the door and we could fuckin' use it - stupid I'm done playin' cupid I'm happy being ab-soul-lutely lonely with music Do this for me, call me up In a few months lonely enough to see if I give a fuck
9.
Yea, I'm still all alone You're getting sick of hearin it by now, I know I'll stop sayin' it as soon as somebody starts playin' this Harp lateral to my rib...this is bullshit Bein' direct to chicks has not gotten me shit Besides a porn collection and a hand full of dick No energy to be pissed, but if that's what it is I'd be the only motherfucker you know sayin' it And you'd call me an asshole for crushin' the eggshells I've been stompin along upon since '88 of April Stay still, and water down the liquid you feel Fuck that, how could I ever claim to be a real Person with real thoughts, with somethin' to be taught Grillin' someone elses words on some lips cooked raw Seen too many of friends take the fall for a broad Change their image into no reflection at all You call me stubborn sittin' next to ya manchild Watch him nod his head in agreeence all the damn while I guess I'm the bad guy, for livin' my sad life Interpreting sight into words, I'm an ass right? If I'm an asshole then I'm sorry for the stench Plug ya sensitive nose to the truth that I've lent -- you Take it or set it down but I want it back at end And now you're offended? Don't fuckin' pretend it Meant anything to you when I was catering to your ways Now that I've spoken truth you wanna make a display Must be the first time you've run into a guy Who hasn't lathered you with lies to dig in your thighs It's the early disguise, the mask with soulless eyes That guys wear around girls those first few times They meet. While romanticizing a new fling You shut ya mouth long enough to enchant this dream I'm awake as can be, I'm only here for the facts I'd rather hear my soul sing then wash my goals clean Just to cling to the sickness inside of me And wise up to the scheme and see they lied to me Again -- Lonliness, my closest friend Its you and I until the self-confined end Keepin' my hands busy so as not to lend them To anyone else except the one that sent them Can't contend with this tidal wave of lies Onn the sandbar, watchin' the fishes swim by Knowin' they'll be victim to the next bigger species and why Would I feel any different in the triangle of life? Three sides, three points, enclosed by your parents Connecting to the dots of man, woman and marriage Place a kid in center and you're stuck in the lines I guess I was always bound to be the outside Where at least I know that the geometry's mine There's always so much more mathematics to find We are the lines and a triangle pleases the mind But there's always so much more mathematics to find
10.
Do you remember those beautiful summer days Where we'd hang, just me, you and the crew that drifted away? Perhaps you can recall those yellow leaves from the fall They always seemed so much vivid when we were younger, you don't even call No more, don't text, you could give a fuck less About promises from the past, had to learn to forget you That's a fuckin' regret too, Add it to the pile of sadness while I burn the next few Cigarettes in shaky hands, bloody fingernails, broken plans No one there to pick me up when I get blacked out drunk again I stumble in to the Stumble Inn order a Rum and Gin The bartender asks what's wrong, where do I begin? My friends stay at arm's length, I can't think straight My days have melted into a drug fueled haze My strange ways turn off everything but the lights Can't stay awake during the day, I can't sleep at night Everything I write is startin' to sound watered down So please shut the fuck up and grab me another round And I'll take it to go, but I may not make it back home If I do I'll look out my bedside window and think more Do you remember what it was like to be in love? The rush of endorphins racin' through your blood Do you remember the community of feelin' unity At a party at Payty's drunk and drivin' in the Mercedes? Maybe you forgot or did not understand that love would be lost Or maybe you didn't love from the start Maybe we fell apart and I was left with the crumbs From a love you chewed up and spit out your gums, its all fucked Everything unchained is in shambles I took a gamble and won the bet and my prize is handle The kind you grip while slippin' over a sinking ship In the vast Pacific with no lifeboat to get in This is the last song I will ever write you I was told the worst thing a woman could do is lie to A man, as he extends his heart with his hands Maybe that's why there's blood all over the window I grasp Damn, I guess I'll just keep
11.
I'm a Breeze 04:04
These days I ain't got much but nothin' left to say If you haven' related to my cynical ways You won't today. I'm stockpilin' change Confusing coins for what's needed in my brain Can't tell if its strange to find love in the pain I use to abuse these clouds as they entertain She said it's a shame to be so disgusted with fame That I'm afraid of my own music and where it takes me Break me on the steam on an embered stake And forget to remember the breeze I've claimed A hot wind saturates unwanted sin As it sprawls across a land of lost hymns Him, or you, or ma'am or sir Doesn't matter they're just nouns we stick between verbs And when they become plural you lose your world Or at least the atmosphere when she becomes her I haven't heard a kind word over the landscape Since the cold front packed up and floated away Wait, I thought as the temperatures rose I'm not used to bein' alone, the time froze And over the years I've melted back from that fear As my current became heavier with each tear As weird as it is, I grew to love The moisture in the air, I mean you can't really hug What you can't even see, the blind eyes turned to me Turned up the steam with each pass of the breeze Passively the aggression in me Aggravated the molecules in my passionless being So the next time you see what may only seem To be the effects of two storm cells connecting Reject me when I attempt to pass through Or you'll let this hot wind engulf you too Guess who? Yea, its me The real reason its so uncomfortable to breathe Outside the patio past the porch you see I bet you used to think it was a beautiful thing So naive, but that's how its gotta be If you want your mind enchanted with lobotomy Two ice picks chiseled into your odyssey But regardless of the pain your wind'll never be as hot as me Or even up to speed with the pace I plant seeds Across the landscape of dry grass and high weeds Find me puttin' movement into palm trees On my to the sea which really shouldn't seem too lonely But I got the pace of an ocean breeze I'm not used to this land enclosing me Another poor me eats away at the glass I've poured again to distance myself from the past I attract masses of travelers on vacation I'm the kind of breeze they don't plan to stay with To get the basics out of the way, I'll say this I'll float into a hurricane before I play this Shameless game known as "who's the prey" I'm a warm breeze, your cardio's too cold to stay The frigid pumps away, not into me I'm a warm breeze lookin' to settle in a calm stream So don't talk to me when you see me at the bar You may have heard my music or think I'm a star Or maybe I'm just a guy lookin' down on his luck And maybe you're just drunk lookin' for a quick fuck I refuse to be stuck in that fuckin' rotation And wake up hungover and ashamed at a Day's Inn Goddamnit be patient, this shit is discusting Since when did a dick become a piece of lunch meat? Since when did I say you could kiss my shit or touch me? Since when did having a twat qualify you to fuck me? You've never even hugged me, but you're hangin' on my shirt Tellin' me nasty shit that I'll tell my friends at work And you probably wonder why you got no guy in your life And tomorrow you'll put back on your fuck me eyes And you'll wake up probably pretend to be surprised That the guy you fucked last night left with the sunrise And surprise...You'll see me back at the bar Just another lonely breeze calloused by life's scars We probably look the same, I mean, I didn't float far But there's one difference You'll never know who the fuck you are
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All the ugly, beautiful people I see Make it easy to be a beautifully ugly being Somewhere between serene and dope fiend Convinced that my ugly expression hides beautiful things I've got shoe strings the color of my soul Each time I lace 'em the more white core's exposed Pose for me beautiful thing Before your beauty fades and you look like me Tweak that image and lose your skin While the blind man laughs at your feeble attempts to win Over an audience, but that fountain of youth Will flush right through that thin skin coverin' you Who are you? Do you even know? Did that makeup cover up your cerebral? Did you become your own sequel? Or did you just glitter up the script of the original? All the ugly, beautiful people I see Make it easy to be a beautifully ugly being Must burn your tan from the mirror to see Your most noticeable accessory is the puppet strings All the ugly, beautiful folks Awoke sleeping beauty to a mirror-full of smoke And spoke from the throat but it came from their eyes When they choked on the hope of their ugliest lies Most the shallow have the widest of eyes As if they absorbed the third one from inside They take pride in applause on the stage But each day they see more of the audience walk away I guess its a cruel game we play Determine winners on criterion of constant change Must be a strange day when you hear the mirror say That even the fairest of all wrinkles away I see you use your tongue for good taste Just another reason all your words go to waste I see that you're usin' your mind for alabis But you're faker than the ways you claim to spend time I see you use your discussion for nothin' but combustion And then mistake the heat for some kind of seduction I see you're blind to the things I see 'Cus I've seen your eyes become your penitentiary All the ugly, beautiful people I see Make it easy to be a beautifully ugly being Must burn your tan from the mirror to see Your most noticeable accessory is the puppet strings All the ugly, beautiful folks Awoke sleeping beauty to a mirror-full of smoke And spoke from the throat but it came from their eyes When they choked on the hope of their ugliest lies
16.
Shit Pussy 02:38
17.
Walk On By 02:46
Hey there in the green skirt, hi I got a Benz if you're sick of walkin' and you need a ride Fuck, I lied, but I've got an orange Escort If you're wanna give this a try, I'll even let you drive ....I didn't think that would work Regardless of how short that skirt was I'm just a loser feelin' down on his luck Tryin'a stretch a slow buck, while forgettin' that loves just a drug Insert depressing pick up line She stared at her watch and wouldn't gimmie the time So I tried to peel off and killed my ride Validatin' her decision to stay on the outside Hi, round two, how ya doin' Not interested? Cool, I'ma keep it movin Rounds three, four, five, six ended the same way And by the time I got to round seven and eight I took a break from the game with a muscle full of strain Shattered positivity and ego much of the same Parked my car on sun parched terrain Started trekkin' on my own, hung head in the rain Hey, hey, hey Everywhere I go I start speakin' the same Uninteresting introduction followed by uninteresting name This time with a cynical style Figured the tone matched the attire - while I Made it into rounds nine and ten I recognized my personality startin' to offend The misled walkin' themselves into gimmicks By eleven I didn't have much left to give it Skipped round twelve, dipped into the night Didn't understand it was a twelve round fight ...Alright. Let's check the scorecards All twelve rounds go to these damn broads Frauds! I screamed at the judges All I heard was twenty-four delicate boots bumpin' Against the concrete on the other side of my temple I faded into a Just a Friend instrumental Woke up to the Biz -- which is this Can't even put my gloves on for these chicks Shit, my chances come and gone Got my ass knocked out while jammin' this song So long to sanity, let's celebrate existence I'm alone as shit, some feces I'm stuck with At least I'm not that turd you took in '96 Cramped up and jammed in a sewage system Dear little misses hoppin' into my car Please know the transmission won't take you very far If we run into tar the windows won't roll up The A/C's broke and my skin could give a - -Fuck about its appearance my heart was on clearance Long before you hit play to unintentionally hear this So please get that green skirt out of my ride Do us both a favor and.....
18.
So I picked up my burger from the table at the diner downtown Eyesight focused entirely on the round Piece of mutilated cow between my fingers and thumbs Laughing over a beer at how overweight I've become But after I lifted the calories to my face The waiter jumped back at the thud of my burger hittin' the plate That was a fuckin' mistake... 'Cus the commotion I'd caused had the customers lookin' my way Which is okay because my days are a string of awkward situations But why'd this dame get placed in The seat where she was currently situated Starin' at my t-shirt stained with mayo and swiss Shit, she's still lookin' at me, isn't she? Yes, self, indeed, and now persistently This is why I never leave my barracks at all I embarrass myself too frequently for the mall Now she's takin' a stroll on over my way Okay, time to suit up Mr. What's Your Name Face But each pace of her feet take me somewhere too deep To think, and open up my third eye for your wink Goddamnit, I sip my drink, stare at my feet "Uhhhh, what do normal people say when they greet?" Does she notice the yellow stains on my chipped teeth Maybe I should have shaved the stache this week- -Ness of character will present itself to her I'm sure When I'm searchin' for lost words to place around verbs My world 's already hers, and we haven't spoken yet I'm gonna write her a song, fuck it an entire set I'll dedicate my career to you Vacuum my sweet nothings into your tube I love you, but the feet pace past my food Shit, I guess she was going to the bathroom
19.
Hope? 01:53
I guess we'll end this on a positive note I'm twenty-four and grown, I write poems and travel alone Think more than Hawking and Dawkins would condone I'll watch my thoughts implode into a black hole I've come-so-far towards deciferin' me I'm a much more intelligent man than at twenty-three Its funny to see D&DT on Visio screens Three months later and I'm pushin' out another CD This time the lines you read are rhymes of me Forgive my sentimental personality But I'm proud to be in the position I've grown From untilled dirt I groomed cracked seeds into a pulse Who would have known the poetry that I wrote Would become more than stoned footnotes, they used to call me a joke Hope? What the fuck is that? Get back to work after work with that notepad Bust your ass until you close the crack And never subscribe your mind to the faith concept Hell yea I'm hopeless, and I know this But that don't mean I'll find somethin' to put my hope in Bust your ass until you close the crack And never subscribe your mind to the faith concept Hell yea I'm hopeless, and I know this But that don't mean I'll find somethin' to put my hopes in That don't mean I'll find somethin' to put my hopes in That don't mean I'll find somethin' to put my hopes in That don't mean I'll find somethin' to put my hopes in That don't mean I'll find somethin' to put my hopes in

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released November 27, 2012

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Uncle Tairy Minonk, Illinois

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