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Burgers and Boobs

from Hope? by DRTYUNCL

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So I picked up my burger from the table at the diner downtown
Eyesight focused entirely on the round
Piece of mutilated cow between my fingers and thumbs
Laughing over a beer at how overweight I've become
But after I lifted the calories to my face
The waiter jumped back at the thud of my burger hittin' the plate
That was a fuckin' mistake...
'Cus the commotion I'd caused had the customers lookin' my way
Which is okay because my days are a string of awkward situations
But why'd this dame get placed in
The seat where she was currently situated
Starin' at my t-shirt stained with mayo and swiss
Shit, she's still lookin' at me, isn't she?
Yes, self, indeed, and now persistently
This is why I never leave my barracks at all
I embarrass myself too frequently for the mall
Now she's takin' a stroll on over my way
Okay, time to suit up Mr. What's Your Name Face
But each pace of her feet take me somewhere too deep
To think, and open up my third eye for your wink
Goddamnit, I sip my drink, stare at my feet
"Uhhhh, what do normal people say when they greet?"
Does she notice the yellow stains on my chipped teeth
Maybe I should have shaved the stache this week-
-Ness of character will present itself to her I'm sure
When I'm searchin' for lost words to place around verbs
My world 's already hers, and we haven't spoken yet
I'm gonna write her a song, fuck it an entire set
I'll dedicate my career to you
Vacuum my sweet nothings into your tube
I love you, but the feet pace past my food
Shit, I guess she was going to the bathroom

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from Hope?, released November 27, 2012

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Uncle Tairy Minonk, Illinois

Some people say that cucumbers taste better pickled.

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